When in doubt...

Today's readings: Psalms 63, 149; Isaiah 56:1-8; Galatians 5:25-6-10; Mark 9:14-29

Doubt is an inescapable factor of the human condition. From checking an iron we aren’t sure we unplugged to wondering whether a God could possibly exist, we all experience doubt, most of us on a fairly regular basis. Many of us fall prey to the false choice between doubt and faith. In a world that emphasizes an "either/or" mentality, we can find it difficult if not sometimes impossible to embrace a "both/and" perspective. It is entirely possible to balance both doubt and faith in our lives.

After her death, Mother Teresa became a famous example of the embodiment of both doubt and faith. The publication of her private papers revealed her inner struggle with God and faith. For some people, this revelation confirmed their skepticism of faith. But rather than undermine her previous image, perhaps it really served to make her more accessible: if such a revered religious figure struggled with the same doubts we do, our faith also has the potential to be as great as hers.

Jesus did not turn away doubters. One day a man brought his son to Jesus. The main claimed a demon had struck the boy mute and convulsed him with seizures. When the man asked Jesus to help "if you are able" (Mark 9:22), Jesus replied all things were possible to those who believed (v 23). The man replied "I believe; help my unbelief!" (v 24). Could there be a more desperate, humble and honest response? Jesus went on to heal the boy through prayer. Yet this man, while his belief was bolstered in the moment, certainly continued to experience doubt throughout his life, just as the rest of us do.

We are built to juggle contradictory emotions and ideas. At a good memorial or wake, we grieve loss and laugh at memories. Sending a child to the first day of kindergarten or college is often bittersweet. Our relationships with loved ones are a complicated mix of love, anger and countless other simultaneous feelings. These conflicting emotions do not invalidate each other or the experiences that drive them. God has given us the ability to harbor both faith and doubt, so let us use each wisely.

Evening readings: Psalms 125, 90

Cry, Shout, Pray

Today's readings: Psalms 130; 148, Genesis 11:27-12:8, Hebrews 7:1-17, John 4:16-26

No matter how strong our faith, we eventually have a day - or maybe an achingly long series of days - when God seems far away. We don't talk about those much in church. Rather, church often seems to have an unspoken rule that we are always supposed to put on a brave face: anything else might cause others to question the sincerity of our faith. Expressions of doubt during a Bible study prompt others to offer arguments for belief so they don't have to feel uncomfortable. A minor breakdown during prayer time is viewed as unseemly and inappropriate, maybe even a topic for gossip in the parking lot. Loss and weakness are celebrated if we've already overcome them, but no one likes to watch the sausage being made. A story of overcoming a gambling addiction? Testify! A confession about how your ongoing blackout drinking leads to promiscuity? Save it for the 12-step meeting. We talk a good game about brokenness, vulnerability and healing but we really want to skip right to the "after" photo because the "before" is too upsetting.

The Psalms tell a different story. Many of them describe how we can be simultaneously faithful and in a wretched state. The author of Psalm 130 is crying out to to God from the depths of despair (v 1). He recognizes his own failings and shortcomings (v 3). He finds himself unable to do anything but wait for the Lord (v 6) and hope for the best. He still puts his trust in God but he's not putting up a brave front.

Questions, moments of weakness, despair: these do not demonstrate a lack of faith. They are the times that tell us whether we had any faith in the first place. Like the psalmist, sometimes the best we can do is beg God to get us through the darkness while we hunker down and hang on until daylight (v 6). A healthy faith community will offer safe space to rail against injustice, our struggles, and the seeming distance of God. It will face darkness head on but bring a light into it. Since communities are made of people, the responsibility of creating such space then falls on each of us. We can be ourselves when we allow others to do the same.

Evening readings: Psalms 32; 139